Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
