Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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