grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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