I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
