I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
