youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
