shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize