"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
