Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
