so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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