i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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