We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
