you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
