That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
