So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
