Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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