its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
