How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
