Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
