had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
