This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
