Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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