There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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