True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
