guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
