I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
