I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im just a social blackout drinker.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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