happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
