He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
