I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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