Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
