Welp...herpes.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
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I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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