Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
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It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
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No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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