i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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