Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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