Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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