She said her name was "party"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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