I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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