i permit you to call me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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