Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
