I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's blow job season.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
