the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
