Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
