so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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