Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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