She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
