Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
