And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
