he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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