Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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