I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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