It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
