somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
