paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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