i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
