I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
