I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
