Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
