so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
