Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
