I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
