The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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