I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
