That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
